Bedtime Prayer

Prayer to Concordia for harmony among families, among friends, among coworkers and managers, among groups of people within nations and among and between nations. Let there be no war and let peace prevail everywhere on this precious earth!

Prayer to Our Family's Lares

Prayers to our family's lares for the well being of our family and our home.

Give Yourself Prudence and Love Your Friends

I went to the New York City Pride parade. It was my first time ever to go to a Pride celebration. What was most surprising to me was how life affirming it was. The feeling that prevailed was--what you are--your ethnicity, your sexual orientation, your natural body type--what you are--it's good enough. 

Just beautiful. 

I heard "Born This Way" twice, the song that has what may be my favorite lyrics in any pop song: "Give yourself prudence and love your friends." 

Pride dog:

"I love my transgender child":

Ave Maria

Ave Maria, by Schubert. Almost too beautiful for ordinary ears such as mine.

Good Night

Things fall apart easily. Prayer to Pax for peace in this lovely world. Good night. :)

Epictetus as Translated by Sharon Lebell

Epictetus, as rendered by Sharon Lebell. I hope it's okay to republish just this section. The book says brief excerpts are republishable as part of critical reviews or articles. I'm not sure a blog post qualifies, but I do wholeheartedly recommend her book! I think you might be able to see why through the way she's rendered this passage:

Now is the time to get serious about living your ideals. Once you have determined the spiritual principles you wish to exemplify, abide by these rules as if they were laws, as it it were indeed sinful to compromise them. Don't mind if others don't share your convictions. How long can you afford to put off who you really want to be? Your nobler self cannot wait any longer. Put your principles into practice--now. Stop the excuses and procrastination. This is your life! You aren't a child anymore. The sooner you set yourself to your spiritual program, the happier you will be. The longer you wait, the more you will be vulnerable to mediocrity and feel filled with shame and regret, because you know you are capable of better. From this instant on, vow to stop disappointing yourself. Separate yourself from the mob. Decide to be extraordinary and do what you need to do--now. 

Prayer for the Harmony

Concordia, the goddess of harmony, it is within your power to bring harmony and concord to human relationships. I offer this prayer to you, that you might bring harmony and the happiness and contentment that flow from harmony, to friendships, marriages, families, communities, groups of people within communities, nations, groups of people within nations, and to the relationships between nations. Let no conflicts occur; let no wars occur, conventional or nuclear; let cooperation, agreement, and mutual good feeling prevail across the earth. 

Summanus

Under the Roman calendar, June 20th was dedicated to Summanus, the god of the night sky and nocturnal thunderstorms. (The link goes to a YouTube clip.)

Cynicism

I want to get rid of all cynicism from my heart. Not to believe the best against all evidence to the contrary, but where there's information lacking, to believe the positive interpretation, not the negative interpretation, of someone's behavior or speech, and where people act according to a mix of motives, to focus on and give recognition to the their higher and more nobler ones.

I'm not sure that, in a closed system, it would be good if everyone were to adopt this as their mode of being, but there should be at least some people like that, shouldn't there? And isn't that what we all want from others? And don't we all feel a sense of relief when we get it, especially in situations when we are otherwise met with mockery, scorn, disdain, and hostility--a sense of the beautiful and lovely, a sense of the preciousness and value of the psychological hospitality that one human being can offer another? 

larva, -ae / Sharon Lebell

The internet says "larva" is a first declension Latin noun meaning mask, ghost, or evil spirit. 

In the English word derived from this, the singular is "larva" and the plural is "larvae". These forms would have been the nominative singular and plural in Latin. So even if they are used as objects in an English sentence, they are frozen, as it were, in the form they arrived in. The English word follows the Latin for number (i.e., singular or plural), in this word, but not, of course, for case because English doesn't have a case system. 

Also, the pronunciation is different. In Latin, if my understanding of pronunciation is correct, it would be "lahr wa" and "lahr why". But in English, it's "lahr vuh" and "lahr vee". 

One dictionary I consulted said this word is related to "lars" (as in lars and penates). 

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Yesterday, at the Strand, I picked up a copy of The Art of Living, by Sharon Lebell, which is her interpretation of Epictetus for modern life. She deliberately uses the word interpretation, rather than translation, because she emphasizes modern idiom over exactitude in translation and renders it according to contemporary circumstances. I got to read a good portion of it on the train coming home yesterday evening. It's positively brilliant! 

Pagan Organization

I found a pagan organization that offers a chance to carry out vocations related to pagan deities. It looks serious and sincere. I'm impressed with what I've seen so far. I'd like to do more research on them. If all seems okay, I might send them an exploratory e-mail this weekend. There's a long waiting period in any case, in order that the organization can establish the seriousness of the applicant. 

To avoid disappointment, it's best, I think, not to have expectations. All humans have flaws, and any organization, therefore, must have flaws as well. It's a law of life. You might not like their flaws; chances are, they won't like yours. Broad shoulders, a broad mind, and a broad heart are important.

I was talking to two Christians, recently. They explained to me that they don't believe in forgiveness for people convicted of murder. "But," I protested, to no avail, "forgiveness is a central point of Christianity, and Jesus talks about this over and over in the Gospels."

I'm going to try not to dispute them on this. They're doing their best. This is how it goes. 

June 17, 2015

I have a lot of things I'd like to write in this journal, but I'm so tired, my thoughts are all mixed up. It's time to go to bed. 

I will pray after I get in bed. I keep typing and then deleting, typing and deleting. Nothing sounds quite right.

Good night lovely world. 

Prayer for South Korea

Prayer to Iupiter that the MERS virus not spread any further in South Korea, that the nation of Korea will be healthy and well as a whole, and that my friends, former coworkers, former bosses, and former customers will be safe. 

Pagan Vocation

I'd like to get serious about constructing a set of pagan monastic practices based on the Cult of Vesta. I'd like to gather together books and research materials for this. 

I found one book in particular that I want to read at the New York Public Library today, but it was part of the reference collection, so I couldn't take it out. 

It will be important to have a thorough understanding--as far as it's possible--of the theology of Vesta and of what's known about the rituals and practices of the Vestals and to adapt these for modern, part-time practice.

And then--I'm thinking--I'd like to do them for a period of time longer than one month (a year?), which may not seem like a very big goal, but one month itself is harder than it looks.

Of course, some of the elements would be keeping a candle, celibacy, prayer, and a purification ritual. 

The research and actual practice should be both serious and sincere. 

Cult of Vesta

I want to study the Cult of Vesta much more deeply and seriously.

There are books on Amazon I could buy, but maybe they're available at the New York Public Library. I will check there.

I pray for this world.

Hiking Photos

I'm a little disappointed because these photos came out too small. I used the highest size setting for photos on my phone, but somehow, in messaging them to my e-mail address, they shrank. Does my phone company do that to them? It's not the end of the world, but photos are just a whole lot more fun when they fill up the screen. 

Carpet of moss:

The river:

Flowers:

What appears to be a field being allowed to return to its natural state. It's good, but part of me keeps thinking, "It needs to be mowed." "It needs to be mowed."

You can't tell from the photo how big the ferns are because there's really nothing else there to get a proper sense of scale, but they were about waist high, which is pretty something! And to think they've come to down to this era from prior to the dinosaurs. That kind of hyper-ancient life is the most alien to us humans, isn't it? Cockroaches, ferns, etc. 

Hiking in the Carboniferous Period

Today I went hiking, but not in the state park. I tried the county park, which is nearby. It was great! It has a much bigger trail system and much fewer people. I walked for long periods without running into other hikers. I'm not sure that's totally good, but it was a break from the crowds. I saw enormous boulders, a carpet of moss, a rushing river with waterfalls, small and large ferns, a group of birch trees, and a great blue heron. I also saw a corn field with corn plants coming up and a farmer baling hay with his baler and hay wagons. 

The great blue heron was a nice sight. I even got a picture of it. It seemed like it was right there. However, in the picture, it looks a little far away. But still--a picture of the huge bird we've been seeing! 

Even more interesting than the great blue heron were the ferns, especially the large ones, which looked about waist high (the large ones were visible from the trail, but actually getting up next to them would have taken some threading through the vegetation, and with Lyme disease prevalent in this area, I was reluctant).  

I love ferns for their ancient lineage. When you see a fern, it's as if you're being transported back to some primordial ancient era of earth's natural history. I looked them up on the internet when I got back, and the internet says ferns date from the Carboniferous Period, prior to the dinosaurs. It was a time, the information said, when ferns were the dominant vegetation. There were even fern trees in that era, but flowering plants and pine trees had not yet arisen. Among other things, there were species of trilobites, cockroaches, the first sharks, fern trees, and ferns. What a fascinating feel it must have had!

Refugees & Homeless People

Tonight, I pray for the well-being of those with no home, either because they are homeless, in the sense of being individuals whose fortunes have fallen within a state and they find themselves without a home, or because they are refugees, who, due to intra-state or inter-state conflict, find themselves away from their homes or without homes. 

Good night. 

Monastic Life

Supposed to be living the monastic life...

Spider

There was a spider in here. The first time I saw it, I tried to get something to catch it with, so I could put it outside. By the time I found something and came back, it was gone. After thinking a bit, I decided that instead of trying to catch it, I should kill it, in order to make sure that it doesn't bite my parents or my parents' dog, especially my father, who has an unusual gait because of a bad knee, and who often walks barefoot. 

It came out again, and I did it. It was absolutely horrible. I cried. I hate killing. 

So sorry dear little spider who must have come in here by mistake and only wanted to live. This terrible life is not your fault. 

Stop Mourning, Jane

1. Opportunities for professional development are there, if you want them, Jane. 

2. Opportunities to develop the well being of your mind, body, and spirit, are there, as well--if you want them.

3. Opportunities to study, to learn, to become more educated are there, if you want them.

4. Opportunities to participate in meditation, devotion, prayer, and religious ritual are there, if you want them.

5. Opportunities not to respond to stimuli, but only to give compassion to others are there, if you want them. 

6. Opportunities to serve the community are there, if you want them.

7. Opportunities to love your family are there, if you want them.

What makes you mourn so much? These things are even available to transgender people. Do more and self-pity less. You might be surprised! 

Hypatia

An article in Smithsonian Magazine about Hypatia, apparently a very good role model for humanity.  

A bookmark for an eighteenth century biography. 

Shared Peace

When I got up and was drinking a cup of coffee, there was news on the radio about conflict between the United States and China.

Yesterday, I visited a Catholic church. In one of the books of theirs that was in the pew, which had in it hymns, prayers, and a guide to the mass, they said that they couldn't invite non-Christians to participate in communion, but hoped that non-Christians would join them in praying for peace and world unity. 

I was impressed. Well done, Catholic Church. I totally agree we should all pray for peace. However, I arrive there by way of a different route.

I don't believe that peace is divinely commanded by an omnipotent deity, or that human conflict is somehow a temporary departure from that deity's will. In my view, it is plain (to the point of being self-evident) that--while not having any normative implications--conflict is as much a part of the universe as harmony and that one or the other has no greater realness associated with it, as you would expect to be the case if concord and discord were, respectively, aligned and misaligned with an omnipotent creator deity's plan. In fact, some conflict is such an ingrained part of life, most people don't even notice it. For example, they say nine billion animals are killed for food each year in the United States.

Nine billion creatures that want, but for anything, just to live. How many people even bat an eyelash? 

What this means, in my view, is that the relative amount of peace we have at any given moment depends on the speech, actions, and desires of individual people, as well as the collective speech, actions, and desires of individuals, as mediated through the groups they form (families, clubs, businesses, schools, cohorts, local political units, sub-national political units, nations, etc.)

I pray to Concordia for harmonious relationships among families, harmonious relationships among friends, harmonious relationships within groups of people within societies, and finally for harmonious relationships between and among societies and nations. 

Stoic Practice Opportunity

I am applying for a visa to such-and-such a country. In order to get the visa, I need a criminal background check. The first one I applied for was deficient. The second one I applied for was deficient and the government contractor was too rule-bound to fix it. I set up an appointment to get fingerprinted tomorrow--for the third time!--and just now, when I logged into the system to confirm for myself my appointment, it's telling me that there is no such appointment or application number. Unbelievable. 

I guess this is a Stoic practice opportunity.  

I want to put it out of my mind while I try to sleep here. There's absolutely nothing I can do it about it now until they're open to receive phone calls tomorrow at eight a.m. Any worrying I do between now and then--either consciously or at some lower brain level--will be useless.  

June 10, 2015

I'm really interested in the elements of long-term relationships. I'm also really interested in mental health nursing, or psychiatric nursing. The two things aren't necessarily related. :) They're both just things that I've been thinking about lately.

Today I helped a couple from India find their track at Penn Station. I was waiting for the track of my own train to be listed on the screen, and the wife approached me and asked if I could direct them to Track 12, so I said that I could and led them all the way to it--because thoroughness in helping is cool. It was a great way to end the day in the city.

I pray for the good health and happiness of all people. 

Good night. :)

The Vestalia

June ninth is the start of the Vestalia. Vesta is my patron deity; I miss the time last year when I practiced flame-keeping, and I regret not being able to live a monastic life. As a side note, I am very dissatisfied with my knowledge of the theology related to Vesta. (What I mean is, something actually known, such that you could teach it on the spot, if someone were to ask you to do so versus mere familiarity.)

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At mass today, there was a woman who was wheeled in by two attendants. She looked like she had been ill for a very long time. She couldn't speak. She could only make sounds. 

I pray to the gods on behalf of all people who are ill, including those those with short-term illnesses, those with long-term illnesses, those who are terminally ill, those who have psychological illnesses, those who have cognitive differences, and those who have emotional difficulties. May they have healing, comfort, and peace.

Bedtime Prayer

Midday mass was awwwwwwesome today.

I would like to pray to Concordia for the person (whom I couldn't see) who sat behind me on the train today, who had an argument over the phone with someone, and who, after hanging up, quietly cried in their seat. I pray that your relationship will be healed. 

Good night. 

What I Lose When I Participate in Politics

Today, on the way home, I debated in my head what I gain or lose by participating in politics. "Participating in politics" for me means keeping a civil rights blog and writing comments online. 

What I lose when I participate in politics is the opportunity to achieve a pure heart. If my life were going to end tomorrow, the thing that I would regret the most would be not having lived up to my highest potential for broadmindedness, compassion, and peace-making. If I talk about this from a pagan perspective, it would be loss of the opportunity to be a genuine devotee of Concordia, rather than a part-time one. 

However, in the debate about transgender civil rights, I would like there to be down-to-earth, non-ideological voices. For that reason, I feel uncomfortable stopping.

The trans-critical religious right wing offers ideology and attempts to shoehorn reality into it while posturing as realism. Trans-critical feminism has made some valid points (e.g., the Vagina Monologues is not transphobic!), but it too rests some of its assertions on ideology. Transgender activism, for its part, rests some of its assertions on ideology as well. 

What I like are those whose loyalties are both to compassion and to following the evidence. 

This is my dilemma. 

Good night!

I would like sincerely to give thanks for hate. That is to say, more precisely, hate from the right and hate from the left. It is when that occurs, at those times, when we transgender people get it from both sides, it is then that I remember the truest perspective on life, when I feel the most compassionate, the most pure-hearted. And the times I feel the most compassionate and the most pure-hearted are the times I like myself the best. 

Good night, lovely world! 

June 7, 2015

I went to a pretty Anglican church today that's a little bit closer to where I live, rather than to the Unitarian church, that's kind of far away. The priest said communion was for baptized Christians, but if other people wanted to come forward, they should cross their arms over their chest to indicate that they would not receive communion, and the priest would pray for them instead. As I'm neither baptized nor a Christian, I knelt at the altar and crossed my arms as instructed. There are people who self-identify as Christians who say a lot of nasty things about us transgender people, so when he began saying his prayer for me, it seemed so beautiful that someone would pray for me like that, I almost burst into tears. Then I had to walk back in front of the congregation with the scrunched up face of someone who is trying not to cry.

The weather was gorgeous--brilliant blue sky, puffy white clouds, everything and everywhere green--I tried to go hiking at the state park. I took my dad's truck. Along one of the roads on the way, there were signs about a new county park, also with hiking trails. I pulled into the entrance, drove down the access road, and tried to park. That's when it happened. Backing into a parking space, I touched the back bumper against a tree. The part that touched was the plastic part (of the bumper), and it left a dent. It was sickening. I didn't know whether to cancel my plans or not. Finally I realized that whether I apologized to my dad at 2:00 or 5:00 it wouldn't make any difference, but I didn't feel like staying there, so I left and went to the state park, as I had originally planned. The nature was stunning, as I expected, but I couldn't focus on it.

After I finished hiking, I went to the store and got an apology card. I wrote out an apology and put it in an envelope along with one hundred dollars, probably a completely inadequate amount. When I got back, I gave it to him, but he didn't accept it. 

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I had intended, in honor of Mens, to post an excerpt I had found of How We Think, by John Dewey, but it was too long. I offer this, instead, a very nice, plain statement of the basic elements of clear thinking, by a spy novelist named Jefferson Flanders.

Although I'm feeling tonight that instead of worrying about how to think clearly, I need to worry about driving correctly. 

Good night

I have some things I wanted to write down in this journal, but I'm way too tired. 

I wish happiness & love to all living things. 

Self Reminder

Work hard, smile, make the nearest person happy, love your family, friends, and coworkers, be thrifty, be broadminded, be humble, ask sincere questions about other people's interests and challenges and genuinely listen to their answers, be resilient, find ways to make routine chores and tasks into fun adventures, and listen to fun music! 

Festival to the Goddess of Good Sense

This Monday, June 8th, is the day devoted to the goddess of good sense, called Mens, Latin for mind, reason, intellect, or judgment.

This is from A Catechism of Mythology, Being a Compendious History of the Heathen Gods, Goddesses, and Heroes, by C. Irving, published in 1822:

Q. What was the divinity Mens? 

A. There were several temples in Rome dedicated to the goddess Mens, under which the ancients paid divine honours to good sense and understanding.

Another book, titled, Handbook to Life in Ancient Rome, by Lesley Adkins and Roy A. Adkins, published in 1994, says:

[Mens] was the personification of "mind" or "right thinking" and had a festival on 8 June. 

Paying respect, homage, and honor to good sense--it makes you want to stand up and cheer!

June 5, 2015

1. Today I worked pretty hard. I think I did a good job, which makes me happy. I went to midday mass, knelt at the altar, crossed my arms to receive a blessing instead of communion, etc. Afterwards, I prayed for wisdom for myself and for all people in the conduct of our lives at the statue of Minerva in Herald Square. Then I went to the New York Public Library and got a library card! I got full borrowing privileges because I work in the city. I didn't have time to find a book to take out, but I can't wait! 

2. I often have a feeling of defeatism and ineffectiveness, a feeling of being hemmed in by the bad things that happened in the past and the dread of what could go wrong in the future. Today I got good and tired of it and cast if off. Oh, it'll come back, for sure! But at least I was free of it today. I worked efficiently and kept my mind only on things within my control. How totally refreshing!

3. I walked along the waterfront in Hoboken, where there's a very wide (fifty meters?) path. The view of Manhattan from there is gorgeous. I bet it's spectacular at night. 

4. This is Epictetus making entirely too much sense, as he was apparently prone to do:

AGAINST THE QUARRELSOME AND FEROCIOUS.—The wise and good man neither himself fights with any person, nor does he allow another, so far as he can prevent it. And an example of this as well as of all other things is proposed to us in the life of Socrates, who not only himself on all occasions avoided fights (quarrels), but would not allow even others to quarrel. See in Xenophon's Symposium how many quarrels he settled, how further he endured Thrasymachus and Polus and Callicles; how he tolerated his wife, and how he tolerated his son who attempted to confute him and to cavil with him. For he remembered well that no man has in his power another man's ruling principle. He wished therefore for nothing else than that which was his own. And what is this? Not that this or that man may act according to nature, for that is a thing which belongs to another; but that while others are doing their own acts, as they choose, he may nevertheless be in a condition conformable to nature and live in it, only doing what is his own to the end that others also may be in a state conformable to nature. For this is the object always set before him by the wise and good man. Is it to be commander (a prætor) of an army? No; but if it is permitted him, his object is in this matter to maintain his own ruling principle. Is it to marry? No; but if marriage is allowed to him, in this matter his object is to maintain himself in a condition conformable to nature. But if he would have his son not to do wrong or his wife, he would have what belongs to another not to belong to another: and to be instructed is this, to learn what things are a man's own and what belongs to another. How then is there left any place for fighting (quarrelling) to a man who has this opinion (which he ought to have)? Is he surprised at any thing which happens, and does it appear new to him? Does he not expect that which comes from the bad to be worse and more grievous than that what actually befalls him? And does he not reckon as pure gain whatever they (the bad) may do which falls short of extreme wickedness? Such a person has reviled you. Great thanks to him for not having struck you. But he has struck me also. Great thanks that he did not wound you. But he wounded me also. Great thanks that he did not kill you. For when did he learn or in what school that man is a tame animal, that men love one another, that an act of injustice is a great harm to him who does it. Since then he has not learned this and is not convinced of it, why shall he not follow that which seems to be for his own interest? Your neighbor has thrown stones. Have you then done anything wrong? But the things in the house have been broken. Are you then a utensil? No; but a free power of will. What then is given to you (to do) in answer to this? If you are like a wolf, you must bite in return, and throw more stones. But, if you consider what is proper for a man, examine your storehouse, see with what faculties you came into the world. Have you the disposition of a wild beast, have you the disposition of revenge for an injury? When is a horse wretched? When he is deprived of his natural faculties, not when he cannot crow like a cock, but when he cannot run. When is a dog wretched? Not when he cannot fly, but when he cannot track his game. Is then a man also unhappy in this way, not because he cannot strangle lions or embrace statues, for he did not come into the world in the possession of certain powers from nature for this purpose, but because he has lost his probity and his fidelity? People ought to meet and lament such a man for the misfortunes into which he has fallen; not indeed to lament because a man has been born or has died, but because it has happened to him in his lifetime to have lost the things which are his own, not that which he received from his father, not his land and house, and his inn, and his slaves; for not one of these things is a man's own, but all belong to others, are servile, and subject to account ([Greek: hupeithuna]), at different times given to different persons by those who have them in their power: but I mean the things which belong to him as a man, the marks (stamps) in his mind with which he came into the world, such as we seek also on coins, and if we find them we approve of the coins, and if we do not find the marks we reject them. What is the stamp on this sestertius? The stamp of Trajan. Present it. It is the stamp of Nero. Throw it away; it cannot be accepted, it is counterfeit. So also in this case: What is the stamp of his opinions? It is gentleness, a sociable disposition, a tolerant temper, a disposition to mutual affections. Produce these qualities. I accept them: I consider this man a citizen, I accept him as a neighbor, a companion in my voyages. Only see that he has not Nero's stamp. Is he passionate, is he full of resentment, is he fault-finding? If the whim seizes him, does he break the heads of those who come in his way? (If so), why then did you say that he is a man? Is everything judged (determined) by the bare form? If that is so, say that the form in wax is an apple and has the smell and the taste of an apple. But the external figure is not enough: neither then is the nose enough and the eyes to make the man, but he must have the opinions of a man. Here is a man who does not listen to reason, who does not know when he is refuted: he is an ass; in another man the sense of shame is become dead: he is good for nothing, he is anything rather than a man. This man seeks whom he may meet and kick or bite, so that he is not even a sheep or an ass, but a kind of wild beast. 

What then? would you have me to be despised?—By whom? by those who know you? and how shall those who know you despise a man who is gentle and modest? Perhaps you mean by those who do not know you? What is that to you? For no other artisan cares for the opinion of those who know not his art. But they will be more hostile to me for this reason. Why do you say "me"? Can any man injure your will, or prevent you from using in a natural way the appearances which are presented to you? In no way can he. Why then are you still disturbed and why do you choose to show yourself afraid? And why do you not come forth and proclaim that you are at peace with all men whatever they may do, and laugh at those chiefly who think that they can harm you? These slaves, you can say, know not either who I am, nor where lies my good or my evil, because they have no access to the things which are mine. In this way also those who occupy a strong city mock the besiegers (and say): What trouble these men are now taking for nothing; our wall is secure, we have food for a very long time, and all other resources. These are the things which make a city strong and impregnable; but nothing else than his opinions makes a man's soul impregnable. For what wall is so strong, or what body is so hard, or what possession is so safe, or what honor (rank, character) so free from assault (as a man's opinions)? All (other) things everywhere are perishable, easily taken by assault, and if any man in any way is attached to them, he must be disturbed, except what is bad, he must fear, lament, find his desires disappointed, and fall into things which he would avoid. Then do we not choose to make secure the only means of safety which are offered to us, and do we not choose to withdraw ourselves from that which is perishable and servile and to labor at the things which are imperishable and by nature free; and do we not remember that no man either hurts another or does good to another, but that a man's opinions about each thing, is that which hurts him, is that which overturns him; this is fighting, this is civil discord, this is war? That which made Eteocles and Polynices enemies was nothing else than this opinion which they had about royal power, their opinion about exile, that the one is the extreme of evils, the other the greatest good. Now this is the nature of every man to seek the good, to avoid the bad; to consider him who deprives us of the one and involves us in the other an enemy and treacherous, even if he be a brother, or a son, or a father. For nothing is more akin to us than the good; therefore, if these things (externals) are good and evil, neither is a father a friend to sons, nor a brother to a brother, but all the world is everywhere full of enemies, treacherous men, and sycophants. But if the will ([Greek: proairesis], the purpose, the intention) being what it ought to be, is the only good; and if the will being such as it ought not to be, is the only evil, where is there any strife, where is there reviling? about what? about the things which do not concern us? and strife with whom? with the ignorant, the unhappy, with those who are deceived about the chief things? Remembering this Socrates managed his own house and endured a very ill-tempered wife and a foolish (ungrateful?) son.

June 5, 2015

I'm exhausted, but duty calls. I will get things done today no matter how hard it is.

Midday Mass

I went to midday mass at the church near my workplace. It lasted half an hour. It was really nice to be able to attend a quiet service amid the whirl and confusion of a huge city at lunchtime. 

As I'm not a Christian, I didn't receive communion. But the priest said if anyone wished to receive a blessing, they could cross their arms. So I went to the altar with the others,  knelt, and did this. 

I don't want to have any shame or secrets in front of non-Christians about any Christian religious activities I take part in. Nor, in the other direction, do I want to have any shame or secrets in front of Christians about any non-Christian religious activities I take part in. That would be awful.

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For reasons unrelated to attending midday mass, today felt like a day of possibility. With effort, care, and careful planning, things may be possible that my pessimistic mind thinks could never happen. 

Pictures, Church of the Transfiguration, Epictetus, Fox

I. Photos. 

Geometry:

Blurry flower:

Lower Manhattan, this evening, taken from Hoboken:

Church of the Transfiguration:

II. Church of the Transfiguration:

I visited the Church of the Transfiguration in Manhattan today. It's also known as the Little Church Around the Corner. I went during lunch; I thought I would stop in just to experience some quiet and calm. When I arrived, they were in the middle of midday mass, which I didn't realize they did. 

Since it's not far from my workplace, I decided that I would deliberately try to go to midday mass tomorrow, after I get out for lunch. I think I can make it there on time, and be there for about thirty minutes before I have to go back. I made my lunch tonight in advance, so I could eat it while walking there. 

No, I'm not becoming a Christian. Nor am I playing out some made-for-TV scenario in which I become one in spite of myself. It's a holy place, where things point up; I can't help but like it. 

It does have a fascinating history, however! During the Draft Riots of 1863, the church served as a sanctuary for African-Americans, who were targeted by white mobs. The church got its nickname later in the nineteenth century when someone was trying to bury an actor at a different church; acting was a disreputable profession at the time. The other church declined, but said they thought the "little church around the corner" might do such things. From then on, the church had a close association with actors, actresses and the acting profession. The church is open to both straight and gay people. They're famous for offering musical performances on weekday evenings. This Friday, if I read the poster correctly, they are offering music from an opera based on the Aeneid. 

III. Epictetus:

Ought not then this robber and this adulterer be destroyed? By no means say so, but speak rather in this way: This man who has been mistaken and deceived about the most important things, and blinded, not in the faculty of vision which distinguishes white and black, but in the faculty which distinguishes good and bad, should we not destroy him? If you speak thus you will see how inhuman this is which you say, and that it is just as if you would say, Ought we not to destroy this blind and deaf man? But if the greatest harm is the privation of the greatest things, and the greatest thing in every man is the will or choice such as it ought to be, and a man is deprived of this will, why are you also angry with him? Man, you ought not to be so affected contrary to nature by the bad things of another. Pity him rather, drop this readiness to be offended and to hate, and these words which many utter, "These accursed and odious fellows." How have you been made so wise at once? And how are you so peevish? Why then are we angry? Is it because we value so much the things of which these men rob us? Do not admire your clothes, and then you will not be angry with the thief. Consider this matter thus: you have fine clothes; your neighbor has not; you have a window; you wish to air the clothes. The thief does not know wherein man's good consists, but he thinks that it consist in having fine clothes, the very thing which you also think. Must he not them come and take them away? When you show a cake to a greedy person, and swallow it all yourself, do you expect them not to snatch it from you? Do not provoke them; do not have a window; do not air your clothes. I also lately had an iron lamp placed by the side of my household gods; hearing a noise at the door, I ran down, and found that the lamp had been carried off. I reflected that he who had taken the lamp had done nothing strange. What then? Tomorrow, I said, you will find an earthen lamp, for a man only loses that which he has. I have lost my garment. The reason is that you had a garment. I have a pain in my head. Have you any pain in your horns? Why then are you troubled? For we only lose those things, we have only pains about those things, which we possess. 

IV. Fox

When I was coming home from the train station this evening, in the tall grass, along the side of the road, I saw a bushy red tail sticking out. As I went by, something leapt up into the air. It was a fox, hunting, doing his cat-like fox pounce. I don't think I've ever been that close to a full-grown fox before. He was gorgeous! In the twilight, his red coat didn't look so bright. It looked more rust colored. I wonder if he was the one that sat in the grass last month when I was walking down the road. 

V. Prayer

I will say bedtime prayers before I go to bed, but I won't put them on this blog. However, I wish happiness, good health, and wisdom to all people in this world.

Good night!

Breakfast

I don't mind if someone thinks I'm bragging--this is my anonymous journal. It's not like I'm writing this on Facebook under my full name.

This morning it was cold and raining in the city. I stopped at a deli and got a bagel with cream cheese and coffee before heading toward my workplace.

Along the way, there was a homeless man sitting under an overhang, but not really sheltered from the rain because it was coming down diagonally. So, he was cold and was getting wet. 

I asked him if he had had breakfast, and he said that he that he hadn't. I gave him my bagel. 

It didn't really feel like charity. It felt like the world was just a bit less awry than it usually is. 

If I look deeply into my own motives, I suppose I did it at least partly out of narcissism. But that's not the whole reason. The world really does seem to be short on compassion, and, like the famous quote, if you want to have a more compassionate world, then you have to be the compassion you want to see more of.

With this blog post, I would like to send my love to all living things. Good night.

Prayer to Ianus

Ianus, god of beginnings and endings, god of doorways, may no harm come to me as I go out the door into the world today, nor to my family, nor to my friends, nor to my coworkers, nor to my customers.

Vestalia

The Vestalia is coming soon. I'm not ready. 

Good night. 

Prayer to Ianus

Prayer to Ianus, the god of beginnings and endings, the god of doorways and thresholds, that no harm may come to me this day, nor to anyone in my family, nor to my friends, nor to my coworkers, bosses, and customers.